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to use the word great but saying -- when you say more people confident. >> confident. >> yeah. >> this is still very, very slow job recovery. still fewer than five years ago and fewer americans employed than ten years ago and some retirement but i think the fact is we know we're stable now and don't quite know how we get to that point where we're more than stable. >> right. and we know to keep everything in perspective, the unemployment rate has ticked up 7.9 so that keeps anyone from, you know, being too confident. >> that's because more people looking for jobs and not more -- yeah. >> the number goes up there. keith, the headline, i think "the huffington post" said here we are within a tick up of the employment rate and then 28 days from now, austerity measures or sequestration. the timing of all of this has some wondering if the government is hurting the economy and keeping people from being enthusiastic or excited because of all the milestones with the debt ceiling and next up sequestration. >> i think that's exactly right. you see that for the gdp numbers, for example. fo
transformational, the word he used in saying what bill clinton was not. and that is the question. and don't think the two of those guys, clinton and obama, aren't keeping a close watch on the scoreboard. and that's "hardball" for now. thanks for being with us. "the ed show" with ed schultz starts right now. >>> good evening, americans, and welcome to "the ed show" from new york. the republicans' president's day sale on the economy a total bust. tonight the truth on our spending problem. this is "the ed show." let's get to work. >> there you go. good job. >> four years after the stimulus saved us from depression, republicans are dragging us into recession. >> spending is the problem. >> tonight the facts versus republican fantasy on the economy and the sequester. >> we have had a massive cover-up on the part -- >> but a massive cover-up of what? >> john mccain is at it again. >> do you care whether four americans died? >> retired colonel lawrence wilkerson on the blind republican rage over benghazi. >>> the luvgov is hitting the trail again. >> i'm a bottom line kind of guy. it's
. >> four years after the stimulus saved us from depression, republicans are dragging us into recession. >> spending is the problem. >> tonight the facts versus republican fantasy on the economy and the sequester. >> we have had a massive cover-up on the part -- >> but a massive cover-up of what? >> john mccain is at it again. >> do you care whether four americans died? >> retired colonel lawrence wilkerson on the blind republican rage over benghazi. >>> the luv gov is hitting the trail again. >> i'm a bottom line kind of guy. it's going to hurt. >> we'll show you his questionable ad. >>> plus, marco rubio disagrees with his own immigration plan because the president likes it. >>> mississippi finally got around to banning slavery this month. >>> and the oscar-nominated movie "silver linings playbook" is shining new light on treating mental illness. director david o. russell joins me tonight for the conversation. good to have you with us tonight, folks. thanks for watching. it's been exactly four years since an economic disaster was averted. government spending undoubtedly was the key, t
. and that is why it is so important for us to do the report that we did. i will give you a perfect example. you have loan officers at banks being paid bonuses and pay based on how many loans they created. not whether those were good loans. not taking into account whether the loans would later default and caused sick of it and losses. there were a number of different causes of the financial crisis. we tried to bring a lot of transparency to it, to report on that. we are also doing a lot of work in this area to say what has not been dealt with. you are exactly right, fannie and freddie is not dealt with under dodd-frank. but let's talk about dodd-frank for a moment. there have been reforms to our financial system, but there needs to be significantly more. one thing about dodd-frank is it sets up a framework. but ultimately not all of the rules are implemented. there are very important standards that need to be set by the regulators and treasury. because what we are worried about is trying to protect americans in the event of another financial crisis. we do not want to be in a situation where one
was crying and stuff and said they had no power they had no running water, they had no way to use the bathroom. >> the good news the ship will be pulled to mexico. it will be expected to arrive on wednesday. passengers will be flown to the u.s. >> army sergeant it was during the 13 hour firefight in afghanistan. he will be receiving the medal of honor from president obama. he will be only the 4th living service member awarded theation naes top honor for courage in iraq and afghanistan. he retired from the army in 2011. >> the grarm me awa-- grammy aw goes to for album of the year. >> the grammy goes to mumford and sons. >> british ban mumford and sons taking home the top honor of the night. but it was justin timberlake's much anticipated performance that stole the show. >> i actually love that song. another big winner was kelly clarkson another favorite. she took home the grammy for best pop vocal and had the funniest acceptance speech. >> i had sex with miranda lambert. there's the name of a song for later after alcohol. i am just kidding. i didn't know i was going to win. i lite
an israeli airstrike deep into syria, a suicide bomber at the u.s. embassy in turkey and the president's nominee for pentagon chief gets the third degree. >> i actually would like an answer, yes or no. # >> well, i'm not going to give you a yes or no. >> outstanding defense secretary leon panetta and joint chief chairman general martin dempsey on the hagel hearings, world hot spots and benghazi. >> this is not 911. you can't call in two minutes and expect a team in place. >> then the president's agenda. >> comprehensive immigration reform. prevent something like newtown or oak creek from happening again. >> what about jobs? with former obama policy adviser mellody barnes, former labor secretary elaine chao and a conversation about football and kids with the mvp of super bowl xl hines ward. i'm candy crowley. this is "state of the union." joining me now leon panetta secretary of defense and martin dempsey, chairman of the chief joint of staff. gentlemen, thank you both for being here. we had very interesting hearings on thursday for your replacement. i want to play you just a little bit
. the u.s. postal service®, no business too small. to compete on the global stage. what we need are people prepared for the careers of our new economy. by 2025 we could have 20 million jobs without enough college graduates to fill them. that's why at devry university, we're teaming up with companies like cisco to help make sure everyone's is ready with the know how we need for a new tomorrow. [ male announcer ] make sure america's ready. make sure you're ready. at devry.edu. ♪ making the big romantic gesture. that's powerful. verizon. get a nokia lumia 822 in red for free. >> a fox weather alert. i am harris falkner. we are staying on the breaking weather situation in the south and southeastern part of the country. laitsz let's go to the map and see what we are watching. the hardest hit area, we knew it was going to be combative going into the hours as the system collided. cold wet air behind the blizzard air that went through. we knew it would be an active night. bam malabama, mississippi. this video has just come in from eric price one of our viewers now. this is the hattiesburg missis
that robbed us of the peace of mind. >> and los angeles upping the ante to bring one of its own to justice. and drama on the high seas. a cruise ship safety drill ends in disaster. i'm harris falkner, we begin tonight with what is shaping up to be one of the toughest showdowns, the prows has faced in some time. it's not over taxes, debt or unemployment. it's the potential block of the president from moving ahead with what he says is a key focus of his administration right now. president obama has chosen two men to help lead our national security and those picks could be put on hold by a pair of powerful republican senators. at issue, the september 11th attack on our u.s. consulate in libya and what one senator called stone walling attempts by the white house on handing over more information. here is where we've been. a storm brewing on this for about five months. since our embassy came under attack by terrorists, we lost four americans that night. ambassador chris stevens, sean smith, doherty and woods. and the days that followed, if your remember, was enough done to protect our people the
"commitment to the values that define us as americans." others note his impeccable integrity and his dedication to the country is second to none. without unanimous consent, i would like to insert into the record matters the committee has received in regard to brennan's nomination. john brennan by all accounts will be a strong leader, guided firmly by the law and his strong ethical code. he has assured the committee in his response to pre-hearing questions that he will be independent from political influence. he will seek only to provide the president, the congress, and other leaders with his best analysis and advice. his responses to the committee's questions are available on the committee's website. intelligence.senate.gov. of course the committee must conduct its due diligence on such an important nominee, some members are going to have questions in a range of topics, including his plans for directing the agency, major national security challenges we face, positions and actions he has taken in his current and past jobs. also of interest will be mr. brennan's the view on the use of
backyard. he said he used an old high school football move to take him down. >> the bad. a condor gets loose during a hockey game in california. the mascot having so much team spirit, it jumped from its handler and made a run for it. at one point it jumped into the stands. and the ugly: a wintry war zone in massachusetts. dozens of students from harvard and m.i.t. lining up in cambridge to square off in a massive snowball fight after the weekend's blizzard. >> time for your brew on this question of the day responses. we asked your favorite moment at the grammys. >> jennifer said, from pennsylvania, my favorite moment was the return of justin timberlake. so talented and cute. >> scott from wisconsin said sting coming to perform. thanks to everyone who responded. "fox & friends" starts right now. >>gretchen: good morning. today is monday, february 11 already, 2013. i'm gretchen carlson. i hope you had a great weekend. we begin with extreme weather striking the south. homes wrecked, dozens injured as a tornado tears through a mississippi town. brand-new pictures as rescue workers surveys
, a suicide bomber of the u.s. embassy in turkey and the president's nominee for pentagon chief gets the third degree. >> i would like an answer yes or no. >> well, i'm not going to give you a yes or no. >> outstanding defense secretary leon panetta and joint chief chairman martin dempsey on the hagel hearings, hospitals and benghazi. >> this is not 911. you can't call in two minutes and expect a team in place. >> then the president's agenda. >> comprehensive immigration reform. prevent something like newtown hopefully from happening again. >> what about jobs? with former obama policy adviser meld barnes, former labor secretary elaine chao, mvp super bowl xl hines ward. i'm candy crowley and this is "state of the union." joining me now leon panetta secretary of defense and martin dempsey, chairman of the chief joint of staff. i want to play you a little of the hearings. >> as to the iranians red line persian gulf, some of the iranian questions you asked. i support the president's strong position on containment. by the way, i've just been handed a note that i misspoke. we don't have a position
and a whole lot of damage in its wake. i have asked viewers to contact us through foxnews.com/you report to send both video and pictures. by my twitter page pictures were already starting to come in. we don't know the size, the capacity, the time on the ground, the national weather service will talk about the impact of what you see in the center of your screen. look at that lightening strike. it is staying on the ground for quite sometime. we have different angle of this. can we show viewers the different angle that came through earlier. this has audio on it. listen to the power of the twister moving across hattiesburg, mississippi. i asked people to hit me with their photos. the university of southern mississippi is within that twister path as it was moving across hattiesburg. this is the music building. one of our viewers says her daughter asthevendz inside her apartment building as the twister went by she went outside safely after it moved through and took this picture of the music building. thankfully the university of southern miss is out. it's out on break because of mardi gras. th
us? what is happening there right now? seems that you will probably have to wait until daylight to get a true picture of the damage. >> we are facing a couple of situations. any area that was impacted by the tornado that went through the area is without power. dark of course, reit now and especially without power to lend assistance to the first responders in the area to continue the search and rescue operations makes it more challenging. additionally you can see on the radar there is still heavy rainfall falling throughout the area and very strong thunderstorms we are watching right now is moving through maryan into lamar county and expected to move towards or are to the south of the hattiesburg area. they are not over yet. flash flooding still a concern because of the storms falling over the same areas over and over and over for the past several hours. we go to get through this and we will get on with surveying the damages tomorrow. >> we heard earlier there were search and rescue operations underway and now talking about the other weather moving in in addition to so much power
of the soaring gasoline prices. here are some of the responses. >> john emailed us, hurting me not so much but a choice of gas or health insurance. >> remember that, putting pennies in. brad, bicycle sounds great right now. >> and kuarn send us an email and when gas prices continue to rise we are constantly to look for more things that we can live without. fox and friends starts right now. everybody have a great day right now. depending on where you live. have a great day. see you soon. >> gretchen: good morning, february 19th, each gretchen carlson. breaking news overnight, and new report says china military has stolen important data from hundred target. they beefed up the military and hacking capabilities. should we be cutting ours? >> steve: more good nice, gas prices got hiked up for the 33rd day in a row. prices continue to soar, washington continues to stay silent. when can we expect in relief i ask. eric bombing. >> eric: if s your gun stored in a safe place? the new law that let's cops search legal gun owners who haven't broken any laws. fox and friends starts right now. >> gretche
to use the bathroom. >>gretchen: the ship will be towed to mexico. it is expected to arrive on wednesday. >>gretchen: a real-life tragedy for reality tv. a crash yesterday near los angeles. all three members aboard the aircraft were killed. the cause not known. >>> a storm generated in southern california after somebody said they spotted christopher dorner. -- a lowe's store was closed. the city announced a $1 million reward for information leading to dorner's capture. >> this is an act of domestic terrorism. this is a man who has targeted those that we entrust to protect the public. >>gretchen: riverside, california, police also identified officer michael crane as the veteran officer dorner is accused of killing in an ambush last week. he will be laid to rest later on this week. this steamy "sports illustrated," this is the cover that has david letterman fuming. that is because it was leaked before he could reveal it. kate upton is the cover girl for the second year in a row. letterman has a deal that he was supposed to announce the cover. the magazine hits stores tomorrow. those are yo
against the united states. heather joins us live with more. >> reporter: good morning to you. these are the startling findings in a new report that has just been released. the 74-page report says 141 major hacking attempts have been traced back to a secret group that is linked back to the china's military. the organizations include energy arrow space companies and also itel communications firm, blueprints and other sensitive documents were stolen from those companies. they say the hacking goes back to 2006. now there is also reportedly a memo from a chinese telecommunications company that admits it provided links for the sole purpose of hacking. the wall street times says they were hacked but china had is s denying the report and denying the alleged fact that it's military has any involvement with the hacking. both democrats and republicans in washington are now demanding more action on this. they say that china's hackers pose a huge national security risk. they say they released the report because it's time to acknowledge the serious threat that is posed by china and to help
♪ host: this is just coming across the eight key. there has been an explosion outside the u.s. embassy in turkey. also there are reports of several people being injured. former new york city mayor ed coach who apparently died as a result of congestive heart failure -- he was 88 years old. at about 8:30, we will examine yesterday's confirmation hearing with a chuckle. for our first 45 minutes, we'll take a look at hillary clinton, almost 1 million miles traveled as she served for a president. we will take a look at her ten- year and to wait how she did. she spent her last day in washington today. call us at -- if you want to send this tweet, do so at @cspanwj. we have had people responding to our question on facebook.com/c- span as well. senator kerrey will be sworn in later on today as well. secretary of state clinton spent her last day as secretary of state. the washington post has this headline -- more analysis in the papers, taking a look at the secretary of state. in our time, we are interested in hearing from you. the numbers -- you can treat us @cspanwj or on facebook. w
for joining us and thanks for being with us. >> hey hey and up and at them rise and shine. good morning to you, the second of february, 2013. i'm than kooiman in for alisyn is it just a big gimmick and who is going to be left footing the bill? >> anna let me be the first to say. will pox con see his shadow. televised event in the world. well, maybe a few hours. "fox & friends" sunday, if you can add them up. depends where you are. "fox & friends" sunday, right. it's the super bowl. we dispachesd brian kilmeade to bling in the flavor from the big easy. "fox & friends" begins right now. ♪ >> there is a live look this morning from new orleans. the big easy. >> just days away from the 49ers facing off against the ravens in super bowl 47 but the party has already begun there in new orleans. our very own brian kilmeade is live out there. good morning, brian. >> cheerleaders how are all three of you getting along. maybe at the christmas party. to see you three together is fab as it particular. what you are witnessing live right now is something that's never been done in western civilization. we hav
the u.s. navy s.e.a.l. who took him out. i'm wolf blitzer. you're in "the situation room." -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com >>> all that coming up, but there's also developments happening right now in southern california. frayed nerves and a cold trail, as investigators search for the fired los angeles police officer christopher dorner who's declared war on the police, now wanted in the murders of three people. we're standing by for a news conference. the prosecutor is going to be giving us new information. let's check in with cnn's miguel marquez in los angeles for an update. do police have any serious clues right now? >> reporter: it's not for lack of trying. they are trying to create those clues. they say they have 600 clues that hundreds of investigators are trying to pile through. right now, people are very nervous across the entire state. nervous students return. schools finally reopened in big bear. >> there's a bad guy on the loose and we don't want to get shot by him. >> reporter: today, it's security, along with students. >> today we feel much better. there's a lot of --
to our panel this week. i'm jon scott. thanks for joining us. see you next week for another edition of fox news watch. >>. >> gregg: i'm greg generator and welcome to a brand-new hour inside america's news headquarters. >> heather: i'm heather childers. >> a stark warning for a top senator coming to the president's defense and c.i.a. nominee. he says the obama administration must be more forthcoming on benghazi or else. >> i don't think we should allow brennan to go forward with the c.i.a. directorship, hagel to be confirmed as secretary of defense until the white house gives us an accounting, did the president ever pick up the phone and call anyone into the libyan government to help these folks. what did the president do? >> gregg: thousands still without any power right now after the first blizzard of '13 and there is a powerful new winter weather system threaten threatening to be the unwanted sequel. we'll get the latest. >> heather: and caught on tape, mayhem at mardi gras. police are searching for a gunman that struck four people in the big easy. >> gregg: we begin with a fox n
>>> good morning, america. breaking right now an explosion at the u.s. embassy in turkey. a suicide bomber has killed at least two people. reports a number of others have been wounded. details are coming in. >>> breaking overnight. scare in the air. an alaska airlines pilot passes out in front of passengers mid flight. >> 121 souls on board and approximately 10,000 pounds of fuel. >> the copeelt seizing control. a doctor rushing to the pilot's side. >>> absolutely i'll be singing live. this is what i was born to do. ♪ o, say can you see ♪ by the >> beyonce's bold mov the superstar taking the stage a a blockuster press conference. coming clean on what really happened at the inauguration. ♪ >>> and are you ready for robin? >> look that. >> this morning, a very special homecoming for robin roberts as we kick off the biggest "gma" super bowl tailgate party in new orleans. the one and only tim mcgraw, li live. it all starts right now. >>> and good morning, everyone. hello to josh and sam down in new orleans this morning. they rode down with robin. back home with her family for the
testosterone when used daily. women and children should avoid contact with application sites. discontinue androgel and call your doctor if you see unexpected signs of early puberty in a child, or signs in a woman, which may include changes in body hair or a large increase in acne, possibly due to accidental exposure. men with breast cancer or who have or might have prostate cancer, and women who are or may become pregnant or are breastfeeding, should not use androgel. serious side effects include worsening of an enlarged prostate, possible increased risk of prostate cancer, lower sperm count, swelling of ankles, feet, or body, enlarged or painful breasts, problems breathing during sleep, and blood clots in the legs. tell your doctor about your medical conditions and medications, especially insulin, corticosteroids, or medicines to decrease blood clotting. so...what do men do when a number's too low? turn it up! [ male announcer ] in a clinical study, over 80% of treated men had their t levels restored to normal. talk to your doctor about all your symptoms. get the blood tests. change your
could use some job-hunting tips. be a bell be's acknowledged chelsea's dismissal saying, our guests' personal information, including their meal check, is private. neither applebee's norrist franchisees have the right to share this information publicly. the pastor seems to have had a change of heart about writing the note. >> that was a lapse in my judgment. i apologize for that. >> i am sorry that i violated your privacy in posting your signature. >> i would ever do that again? no, i would not ever do that again. >> but you offended me. you offended me, you offended your server. >> reporter: the question is, what would jesus tip? on that subject, god's not tipping his hand. jeanne moos, cnn. >>> so what have you learned from all this? >> i learned not to be writing on no receipts. >> got to be careful, everything you write out there. thanks very much for watching. "erin burnett outfront" starts right now. >>> "outfront," a suicide bomber stages a deadly strike on an american embassy and this time the white house quick to label ate terrorist attack. >>> a prosecutor guned down on the
was an enlisted soldier and rose to sergeant. a noncommissioned officer with the infantry, a grunt as they used to say in vietnam. this is navy pilot john mccain with his skraud ron in 1965 before he was captured. hagel made reference to the vantage point an enlisted man has in war. >> i saw it from the bottom. i saw what happens. i saw the consequences and the suffering and the horror of war. so i did question a surge. i always ask the question, is this going to be worth the sacrifice, because there will be sacrifice. in the surge case in iraq, we lost almost 1,200 dead americans during that surge. and thousands of wounded. now, was it required? was it necessary? senator mccain has his own opinion on that shared by others. i'm not sure. i'm not that certain that it was required. >> you know, the horror of vietnam where i wasn't, i always point that out, the guys who were, into the jungle, fighting an enemy you couldn't see. there were no p.o.w.s in the jingle wars. they didn't take prisoners. you know, what we did with ours, we turned ours over for god knows what kind of treatment. that was a
of communist state. >> why would they target the u.s. embassy? >> they are anti-capitalist. and they're very, very opposed to the u.s. and nato. analysts say probably two reasons for this attack. one is to embarrass the turkish government. two is to protest the presence of u.s. patriot missiles on turkish soil. right now, 400 american troops are in turkey and they are moving that patriot missile battery into position on turkey's border with syria. turkey requested that help because of the mortars flying in from syria and they wanted the american missile to help shoot it down. >> and chris, how was the attacker able to gain access to the embassy compound? with all this talk about embassy security and what happened in ben gauzy, how was the attacker able to get there? >> basically he walked up to the embassy wear along suicide vest. but it's a gated compound with blast doors, reinforced woibs, and several checkpoints. he never made it past the very first checkpoint. so when he exploded his vest, it killed one of the local turkish guards whoed what been working for the embassy. it also injured
're with us. i'm jenna lee. pope benedict xvi citing his declining health for this decision. the vatican says there is nothing mysterious or grave they quote. but the pope benedict xvi brother told a german newspaper that the pope had difficulty walking. just one report but something to take into consideration here. the 85-year-old pontiff will resign at the end of this month after nearly eight years as pope. he was elected by his fellow cardinals in 2005. we're getting new reaction to the announcement from around the world and across the united states. the united states home to 68 million catholics, about 1/5 of the country, including reaction from one church leader elevated to cardinal by the pope last february. >> my affection and for and ad mir vision -- admiration for pope ben benedict xvi. i love him so much, as the bish shop of roam who appointed me to you all. to the holy father who made me a cardinal. i just always admired him as a scholar, as a priest, as a holy man. i'm in admiration for him is even higher because of his you humility. jenna: mr. anderson just had a private meeting
for joining us. i'm laura evans. >> i'm maureen umeh. but first a developing story out are prince george's county where an elderly woman has been found murdered inside her capitol heights home. police found her yesterday afternoon after they got a call for a welfare check. they say she wons responsive and suffering injuries to her upper body. fox 5's lauren demarco has the latest details. >> reporter: prince george's county police and homicide detectives are going door to door in one capitol heights neighborhood. they say an elderly woman was murdered inside her own home. >> we're trying to alert the neighborhood, the neighbors, and people in the vicinity as to what occurred here yesterday. >> reporter: officers aren't releasing many details but they say the 71-year-old woman suffered trauma to the upper body. one neighbor who did not want to show her face on camera says her nephew came running over in a panic saturday afternoon after attempting to visit his aunt. he knocked on the door, saying, geraldine is laying on the floor and she's not breathing. >> reporter: the neighbor grabbed h
[horn honking]nking ) they've modified a bus to get us out of here! - i knew they'd come back for us!ome bak al - all right! yeah! - look, glen, we're saved!we'rea - all right, i'm turning around. i' - why are they turning? - what are they doing? don't leave us! - let's hope to christ this works. hope to - ♪ california love fonia ♪ ♪ california ♪ is nice to the homeless ♪is nice ♪ california ♪ ♪ super cool to the homeless ♪ to ♪ in the city in the ♪ city of santa monica sant ♪ lots of rich people ich e ♪ giving change to the homeless ♪omeless - change?c - ♪ in the city - ♪ city of brentwood - ♪ in the city ♪ they take really good care ♪ ♪ of all their homeless ir - they're listening! let's go! ♪ - ♪ in the city ity ♪ - ♪ marina del rey ♪ they're so nice to the homeless ♪meless ♪ build 'em porta-potties - they're--they're leading them away!they' - we're gonna be all right! we'r - ♪ california ♪ ♪ super cool to the homeless ♪ - ♪ california an ♪ a orn ne ♪ in the city ♪ city of venice ♪ right by m
, folks go out and have a great one. come back and see us tomorrow. [♪ theme music ♪] >> stephanie: hello, current tvland here we are back on the tv. look at us. we did a regular horse drawn television show yesterday. i felt like nicole kidman. >> i miss you already. >> stephanie: i miss you too. we're going to have a jacki's healthcare corner today. people are on the edge of their seats saying what time is jacki going to be on? >> there is a great reporter and good friend and it was some great stuff. >> stephanie: jacki's healthcare corner. now here she is in the current news center. >> president obama is back in washington today. he is going to give a speech at 10:45 urging congress to avoid the spending cuts that will kick in on friday. any spending cuts need to be coupled with an increase in revenue. the white house has invited emergency workers to appear today for the president's speech. two men who co-chaired the president's debt commission are in 2010 are out with a new plan. so far the president and congress have come up with $2.7 trillion in savings, so this
tired. i'm using him for medical advice. - i'm sorry, who are you? - well, if you have an orthodontist in here, i've been using a couple chiclets as teeth in the back. - also, i have caffeinis. caffeine-penis. when i drink too many cappucinis, my penis becomes useless. - i can't really address that right now. i have a 16-year-old pregnant girl in the other room that i really need to get to. - and i have bagel-induced cholesterol. - right. so you're having some pain in your shoulder? - yeah. - okay, can i, um... - okay. - yeah, it's-- - [whimpers] - i barely touched it. - oh, boy! - okay, so it's very tender. - eeeh-aaah. - okay. i'm getting a very strong ammonia smell over here. - oh, that's 'cause i let my cat piss on me for health. - he has a little tabby named judd hirsch. - so how did you hurt your shoulder? it seems... - oh! - you may have dislocated it. - this guy decked me 'cause the blacks liked me more. - yeah, we were playing basketball with these awful black guys, and he displeased me, so i took him out. - yeah. - you know, i am actually legally bound to report any instances
's desert seas ♪ a carbon date with destiny ♪ american dinosaurs ♪ standing firm beside us in her wars ♪ ♪ with your ample dino crack ♪ crapping glory on iraq ♪ take back what is rightfully yours-- ♪ screw you, osama! ♪ american dinosaurs ♪ there's oh, heroic petrel s'mores ♪ ♪ over hills and on the plains ♪ god bless your tiny brains ♪ we the people are your dinowhore ♪ ♪ you have saved ♪ god bless america ♪ you have saved and all the dinos sang. [groaning, grunting noises] - thank you, dinosaurs! - thank you, new york! - thank you, comedy central! - thank you, new york! - thank you, new york! - thank you so much. we're hard 'n phirm. captioning made possible by comedy central. captioned by mccaptioning services www.mccaption.com from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." [cheers and applause] my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight author helaine olen. she's going to talk about her book "pound foolish"
his and my weight tumbled us right into the damn pacific ocean. here i am in the middle of the ocean dressed in a suit with my gators on. i'm like, "hell no. thanks a lot. now i'm gonna shark buffet. you bastard. why you do that?!" and i said, "what we gonna do?" he looked at me, and looked at me again and jumped out of the water like aqua man. i was like, "wow!" and jumped right back on his jet ski. i said, "damn. what i'm gonna do?" he told me, "now do what i did." i said, "you bastard. if i could do what you did, don't you think i'd have been up there by now?" he said, "well, if you can't jump out of the water, what you should do is get behind your jet ski and press down on it and leapfrog onto your jet ski." [laughter] see, y'all laughing, 'cause you know good and damn well i can't even leapfrog on dry land. how i'm gonna leapfrog in the middle of the ocean? he said, "mr. crawford, i need to you try." i said, "okay, doggone it. i'm gonna try." and i pressed down. and i pressed down. and my blood sugar got low. and i said, "you know what, just go on without me. i gues
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